![]() ![]() ![]() I would be selling myself short and compromising my integrity and self-respect. I refuse to settle because of fear of the unknown. Expressing, “Do you really think you’ll find someone out there that loves you as much as I do?” I think, why would I give up something that’s so familiar? Sometimes what is known is much more comfortable than what is unknown. Sometimes you express that and make me question myself. I fear that there won’t be better out there for me. You weren’t interested in being changed or in changing, for me, for you, or for anyone else. I had the false idea that I can change you. I tried for so long to cling to hope that you would become the person I needed you to be. Our relationship was familiar, comfortable, and all that I wanted to know. I have grown and decided that my wants, needs, and future are worthy of me giving myself the best chance at thriving. The love for you hasn’t changed, the change comes from me recognizing that I need to love myself more than I love you. You tried your very best, I noticed it, I appreciated it, but you are not capable of loving me the way I need to be loved. My love for you was unmatched for so long. The thoughts and feelings are so complicated and at times, confusing. I’m struggling because there are parts of me that want all-in and parts of me that want all-out. It feels unnatural and sadistic to hurt someone I love. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for the people I love. The hesitation for me, as it is for most of my patients, is “why would I break off a relationship with someone I love”, “will I find someone who loves me as much” and “I don’t want to hurt them because I love them.”įrom my personal experience and through the experiences of patients, here is an open letter from a person who is ending a relationship with someone they love: ![]() It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make because I loved him as much as I did. I was convinced that even though I loved him, the longevity of our relationship wasn’t very promising. I questioned whether love was truly enough. I was trying on wedding dresses when it finally hit me. After being with my boyfriend of six years, we decided to get engaged. I, along with many of my patients decided to leave a loving relationship because it was stunting our growth. What if love isn’t enough to sustain a relationship? Maybe there are times when taking action to leave the relationship signifies a loving action more than staying in the relationship? What if what originally felt like love has morphed into codependency, familiarity, and stagnation? What if alongside love is resentment, exasperation, and negative emotional activation? I have seen the quote, “Love is not the only thing, it’s everything.” Is it really? We are taught that love should withstand the test of time, until death do us part, and that if you love someone, it is expected that we should make it work somehow, someway. It seems so unnatural to end a relationship with someone we feel love toward. ![]()
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